Online Communication

Or rather, pathetic online communication. I got an email today, and it gave me an idea for a post. (Oh, the irony: I haven't had anything to write about in weeks, and suddenly my head is brimming with ideas on one night - it's still the 18th as I start to write this. And I have another idea, too, but it's way too late now...)

The topic: terrible online communicationalists (wow, that sounds so good...too bad it's not a word). Specifically in terms of emails and instant messaging (any form of instant messaging, including MSN, Skype, AOL, whatever). [Note: I don't have Facebook, or MySpace, or Twitter, or anything similar, so I can't really comment on those, but I'm pretty sure my rant will still apply in some ways.]

Ironically, the email that gave me this idea was a really good one. Not just because it contained a good message, but because it was so...different. From all the other emails I get, I mean. More creative and, thus, far more interesting. The title was an inside joke, but while it was funny and meant one thing, it was also the opposite, and implied something more serious. The message itself was short, but it actually meant something, and it wasn't written plainly, but in the complex type of wording that can make an impression on someone. Well, on me, anyway. 

It was this particular email, though, that made me realize how pathetic and boring the other emails I get are. No interesting titles, no captivating words or letters, nothing to make them stand out in my mind. One of my pet peeves is forwarded emails (although there is one person who is good at this, sending on only the ones that are actually interesting or worth reading). Why people think I want to figure out my fortune, or find out who my soulmate is, or read about fake people who want to raise money for some fake ailment (God help me if, in fact, these people and ailments are not fake, and I am simply a cruel, heartless bitch), or other generic and brain-cell-killing topics is completely beyond me. And who creates them in the first place, anyway? How bored do you have to be to waste precious hours and minutes on something so completely useless? I have better things to do with my time. (For those people who don't and actual enjoy these emails, I do not apologize if I've offended you. Seriously. This is how strong my opinion is.) 

I also hate junk mail, but I think that can be agreed on unanimously. 

When it comes to emails, I guess all I want to say is that I wish I got more that are as interesting as the one I got earlier. Something different. Something that actually makes me smile or laugh (I admit to being a person who uses the abbreviations "lol", "lmao," and "lmfao" excessively, with an extreme lack of emotion when it should be there. For example: Someone: Hey, what's up? Me: Not much, you? S: Not much, just doing homework. Me: lol OR S: omg, i really want to see [insert movie here]. Me: lol, yeah, me too. I mean...it's not funny that someone is doing homework...and it's not funny that we want to see some movie...and yet "laugh out loud" is there. Why? Why would you laugh out loud at that? WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU LAUGH AT HOMEWORK? I CRY at homework. And yet I didn't say, "bmeo" (bawl my eyes out); no, I said L-O-FRIGGIN-L. I say lol all the time. Everybody does. It's a conversation softner more than anything. If you want somebody to know that you're happy and relaxed, you say lol. Otherwise, they start thinking you're pissed off and moody. It's impossible to carry on a normal conversation through instant messaging. AND ON THAT NOTE, I WILL CLOSE THIS PARENTHETICAL SIDE-NOTE! *Ha ha, bet you forgot that this was bracketed. Bet you forgot what this paragraph was originally about, actually. Because I did.*)

Speaking of instant messaging conversations, this is the other online communication failure I wanted to discuss. In all honesty, how many times have you been forced to partake in conversations like this: 

Person A: hey
Person B: hey
A: what's up?
B: nm, u?
A: nm, jc
B: lol
[...*chirping crickets*...]

[NB: For the record, I am one of those people who refuses to use shorthands like "nm," "u", "jc," etc. It does not take much longer to type out you than u. It is this abbreviated MSN-speak that is going to be North American Literacy's demise. (Although I'm not anal enough to care about capitals.)]

What kind of conversation is this? Person A, if you are starting a conversation, that means - for some reason, however inexplicable or expected it may be - you want to speak to Person B. If this is the case, it is then your job to keep the conversation going - you accepted this responsibility by default when you started the conversation. In most cases, Person B didn't do this because Person B had nothing to say, and therefore did not feel the need to say something for the sake of saying something. (I say most cases because, of course, there is an exception to every rule...or theory.) If you have nothing to say, though, and have started the conversation for the sake of starting a conversation, here's a word of advice: don't start the conversation. This will be a rude awakening for many, many of my friends, but I hate conversations that start with a "hey" or "hey, what's up?" and basically end there. Unless you actually care about what I'm doing, or you have something interesting to tell me, or have something to ask me, or have a legitimate reason for talking to me, do me a favour: don't. It's true that conversations with a purpose can taper off to nothing, too, but at least they start with something. Conversations that are nothing from the very start are doomed. (It is important to note that when a conversation is interesting, it usually continues on for a long time. Unfortunately for the human race, such interesting discourse is difficult to come by. It requires an emotional attachment or involvement that is rare on the web. In fact, you have to ask yourself: if you want to talk to this person so much, why not call them? Why not meet up with them? Why keep talking online? Of course, there are many reasons, including the confidence being unseen gives, or the fact that you can take time to calculate and concoct a witty response with no one realizing that that is what you are doing. But still...)

Oh, and another thing that annoys me! (Wow, aren't I just a little ray of sunshine?) People who take forever to respond! And I don't mean once or twice, because that's understandable. Most people do things other than chat when they're at their computers - or at least, let's hope so - and sometimes they are involuntarily drawn away from their computers, but they can explain themselves when they return. But when people continuously take two, three, ten minutes to reply, it PISSES ME OFF. If you don't want to talk....WHY'D YOU START TALKING?! Otherwise, if you're busy, TELL me you're busy and that you'll take a while to reply, so that I don't feel like hunting you down! Actually, if you're busy, SIGN OFF. Do yourself AND everybody else a favour. But do NOT take five minutes to reply. DO NOT.

*FUMING*

Oh, and in fact, I hate responses like this (some of which I'm guilty, but only in cases where I dislike or am annoyed with - not a rare occurrence - the person I'm speaking to): cool; nice; sick; i dunno; i see, and etc. If you have nothing to say, or if you don't want to talk, tell the bloody person that you're busy and stop wasting their time (unless you don't give a shit about them, and want to waste their time, or want to make them feel bad; in that case, you have the green light. Don't forget that you're wasting your time, too, though...)


Oh, and while I'm on the topic of pathetic communication, let's touch on text messages, shall we? I hate having conversations through texts. The irony of that statement is that I do it all the time. But I hate doing it. I don't even know why I do it. Same with lol. There are just some things that aggravate me, and yet it doesn't seem like I can avoid them (or rather, I can, but not without isolating myself entirely.) But seriously. If you want to talk, CALL the person. It's not as hard as it sounds.

So, in summation: boring emails, strained and dull conversations, and poor conversationalists are all things that need to be eliminated.

Cheers!
Aya