Immune System Outage

Anyone who knows me well enough knows also that I have a superb talent for getting sick. In fact, in the past ten months, I have fallen ill a record-breaking (for me) seven times. Seeing that it is summer and that, logically, it is amongst the least likely of times to get a cold, I decided to turn to my immune system and ask it what the hell is going on: why have I caught a cold mid-June? The following is the transcription of our discourse: 

Me: I don't get it. Why am I sick? Again? 

Immune System: I don't know what you're talking about. 

Me: Is that supposed to be a joke?

IS: Yes. 

Me: It's not funny. 

IS: Well, your question to me is. After all, I've been working so hard for the past two months that you've barely even coughed! It was about time I took a vacation. 

Me: You're my immune system. You don't take vacations. 

IS: Of course I do! Everyone gets vacation time from work. 

Me: Not bodily functions! You have a job that requires your presence every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every year of my life!

IS: But it gets boring. And exhausting. So I take a much-needed respite every once in a while. 

Me: Every once in a while? I get sick more than anybody I know! I think you've taken entirely too many vacations. I don't see other immune systems giving out the way you do.

IS: Oh, please. You can't compare me to other people. Do you know how much damage you do to your body every single day? It's ridiculous. I doubt anybody else is that cruel to themselves. 

Me: Don't be stupid! Compared to some people, I'm freaking tame! Ever heard of professional athletes? Doctors? The bloody army? 

IS: Well...

Me: Don't you "well" me! Either you pick it up, or you're fired! 

IS: *Snort* And you think you'll find another immune system, do you? Who's willing to tolerate you? I dare you to fire me and see what happens.

I fell silent after that, because the threat felt too real. Maybe Immune System had a point. I don't see a market out there for immune systems, anyway... I guess there's nothing I can do.

Sneezingly yours, 

Aya