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7.02.2011

I have moved!

I have decided to leave Blogger and move my blog to a new location! The World According to Aya is now at theworldaccordingtoaya.com. But aside from that, nothing's changed.

Still yours,
Aya

6.15.2011

Immune System Outage

Anyone who knows me well enough knows also that I have a superb talent for getting sick. In fact, in the past ten months, I have fallen ill a record-breaking (for me) seven times. Seeing that it is summer and that, logically, it is amongst the least likely of times to get a cold, I decided to turn to my immune system and ask it what the hell is going on: why have I caught a cold mid-June? The following is the transcription of our discourse: 

Me: I don't get it. Why am I sick? Again? 
Immune System: I don't know what you're talking about. 
Me: Is that supposed to be a joke?
IS: Yes. 
Me: It's not funny. 
IS: Well, your question to me is. After all, I've been working so hard for the past two months that you've barely even coughed! It was about time I took a vacation. 
Me: You're my immune system. You don't take vacations. 
IS: Of course I do! Everyone gets vacation time from work. 
Me: Not bodily functions! You have a job that requires your presence every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every year of my life!
IS: But it gets boring. And exhausting. So I take a much-needed respite every once in a while. 
Me: Every once in a while? I get sick more than anybody I know! I think you've taken entirely too many vacations. I don't see other immune systems giving out the way you do.
IS: Oh, please. You can't compare me to other people. Do you know how much damage you do to your body every single day? It's ridiculous. I doubt anybody else is that cruel to themselves. 
Me: Don't be stupid! Compared to some people, I'm freaking tame! Ever heard of professional athletes? Doctors? The bloody army? 
IS: Well...
Me: Don't you "well" me! Either you pick it up, or you're fired! 
IS: *Snort* And you think you'll find another immune system, do you? Who's willing to tolerate you? I dare you to fire me and see what happens.

I fell silent after that, because the threat felt too real. Maybe Immune System had a point. I don't see a market out there for immune systems, anyway... I guess there's nothing I can do.

Sneezingly yours, 
Aya

5.30.2011

iPad: the New Generation

Oh, hello there. It's just me, the so-called author of this blog. I haven't actually done any authoring of late - in fact, I haven't done anything that concerns this blog of mine for almost eight months - but I decided that maybe it was time to come back to it when I was reminded once more of its existence. Here's how that happened:

A friend of mine is obsessed with Bing. He says it's a great search engine, and would prefer that it steal a little bit of the attention that Google always gets. I, frankly, have always been a Google girl. And there I was, sitting at my desk, wondering how I should start off my day. To help me with this, I unconsciously opened my web browser. What page was I looking at? Google.ca, of course. I looked at Google and instantly thought of my friend. So what did I do?

I Googled "Google vs. Bing".

I first read an interesting article. The next link down, though, allowed me to compare the two engines side-by-side by searching something up. I tried to think of something that had any sort of relevance to me, and the title of my blog came to mind. Alas, here are the results:




In the Google search on the right, my blog came out as the first search item - the first! That never happened before - while it didn't even seem to register with Bing. Nowhere on the first page, nor on the second...not on the third, fourth, or fifth, either! I gave up after that - not enough hours in the day for me to see how long it would take for my blog to actually show up. I found that mildly insulting, and so you could probably imagine what my default search engine will now be (or rather, remain). I mean look at that! The top four searches, all actually relevant to this blog. Now that's impressive.

Especially for someone who hasn't even added anything new for so long.

But I do have something that I feel is worth taking the time to sit down and rant about. As you might have gathered from the title, it has to do with the iPad.

But before you freak out and start hurtling insults and curses at me (assuming you are an iPad fan), an unknown blogger revealed to you only through the words you see on your screen, allow me to clarify: I have no problem whatsoever with the iPad. While I am personally not a fan - I don't like anything touch-screen; I need buttons - I do admire it as a concept. So it is not with the iPad that I have an issue.

No, it is three-year-old children owning iPads that concerns me.

A couple of days ago I went to get a much-needed massage. It is an office with three separate massage rooms, one of which is used by another masseur. This room happened to be right next to my own, and partway into the massages, I hear loud noises walk by my door and into the neighbouring room. The noises were a combination of sobs and what sounded like Spongebob Squarepants. And both were loud.

I understood that a child had just walked into the neighbouring masseur's room, and I figured that her mom had given her the iPad to use as a distraction. Forty minutes later, I realized my error: after my massage was over, I came out of the room, looked to my left - and saw not one but two little girls - twins - with iPads, fixated on the screens in front of them. These girls could not have been much more than three years old, four at most. And they stared at those screens unrelentingly. They even walked while looking at the screens. Their mother had to physically steer them away from harmful objects - like walls - so they wouldn't bump into them. They did not reply to their mother whenever she spoke to them. No, all they knew was the little yellow rectangular prism dancing around on the screen.

It was a horrifying sight. I know nothing whatsoever about the little girls' medical history, and in fact I know nothing whatsoever about them, so I can only speculate as to why they would be in possession of such technology at such a young age. But I do know that a 32GB iPad sells for about $600 (give or take a cent) at Future Shop right now, and that is an expensive toy to buy for a little girl - twice. That is putting $1200 plus tax ($1356 +/- $0.02) - man, I am salivating at the prospect of what I could do with that much money - in the hands of a child that does not - and will not for several more years - even have the mental capacity to comprehend just what that value is!

And that isn't even getting into what the iPad is going to end up doing to their little brains. Making them even smaller, I suppose, slowly inhibiting synaptic development and teaching the little girls' minds how not to have to function. What I can't understand is why the parents would condone such a thing. No, wait, they aren't condoning it. They are encouraging it. They are perpetuating it, because it is through their financial endorsement that such a thing is made possible! What happened to the days of buying children a nice, colourful toy that makes only a few sounds when you play with it, as opposed to a multitudinous display of animated lifeforms on a smooth, flat screen.

And here's a completely wild idea: if you have money to throw away, why not settle for a really expensive book? One with lots of beautiful, intricate illustrations? At least it will have a few words, teaching them to read, helping them develop the neurological pathways that will serve to help them in later life. At least pity the kids if $1355.98 is your equivalent of a toonie in my wallet. I have not seen a child's book cost more than $30. (That's $60 for a pair of them, more than enough money to pay my cell phone bill for a month...) And quite honestly, I think that is far better value.

But what do I know? Maybe I'm just blinded by outrage because I'm a university student who can't afford such luxuries and secretly really want them. We'll never know.

As ever,
Candidly yours, 
Aya