Girls Are Expensive

Many of you will most likely have seen or heard the following joke in some way, shape, or form: 

Let's admit to ourselves that the above is quite clever, and very funny. I laughed and laughed when it was first shown to me. However, I have to point out something that negates this calculation: 

Now, I'm not entirely sure what this guy's math teacher told him, but I - along with I'm sure about 99% of the world - have always been taught that, in mathematics, "and" means addition, not multiplication; multiplication has always been represented by the word "by". So "and" = "+", and "by" = "x". That being the case, we would have to conclude the following:

Thus:

Which makes this proof inaccurate, which, therefore, means it is wrong. This calculation more or less ends at the third line (the first "therefore" statement), since afterward it doesn't make all that much sense. All that we can really conclude from this (considering Girls = 2Money) is that: 

But I'm pretty sure we all knew that...

Logically yours, 

Aya

US Department of "Safety"

I found another article that I found hilarious. Had to share it with you (especially as my current writing time is limited). 

The US government has a new website, http://www.ready.gov/.  It's another attempt at scare mongering in the style of the old "duck and cover" advice after WWII.

The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything!  Here are a few interpretations.

If you have set yourself on fire, do not run

If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.

If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder

If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.

Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!

The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand.

Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the fuck away.

Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.

Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.

If a door is closed, karate chop it open.

If your building collapses, give yourself a blowjob while waiting to be rescued.

Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile

After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.

If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.

-- If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.

If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.

If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.

If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.

Do not drive a stations wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.

-- A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.

Laughingly yours, 

Aya

Original article can be found at: http://www.nirvani.net/misc/emergency/ .

Politics Explained

I found this article completely accidentally while "Stumbling" with StumbleUpon. I found it hysterical, and decided that I must share it with you. Tell me what you think.

Politics Explained

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

The last one is a bit iffy, but the rest is hilariously accurate. Find the original (or original version of this, anyway) at http://www.sjgames.com/illuminati/politics.html.