Must-Read Article

It has been an absolute age since I have written anything. I know. And I completely understand your frustration (assuming you are, of course, frustrated). But blame it entirely on the stress of university decisions. I have been waiting desperately and in mental agony for the verdict for my future, and have been able to do little else. In fact, I have become so utterly useless, that instead of filling my unfathomable amount of free time (particularly due to my recent injury) with positive and productive tasks (for examples: writing!!!), I have been doing nothing but watching endless episodes of House M.D. I blame a friend for giving me the means to actually do this. 

It's all your fault that I'm a lazy ass! 

Actually, the fact that I'm a lazy ass has very little to do with him (key words: very little; he's still to blame to some extent), and mostly to do with the fact that I am a lazy ass. But that isn't the point. The point is that, after tomorrow, I will most likely be able to find topics to write about. And the focus. But right now, that is not the case. So this is a very short post directing you to two things that I found very interesting. The first is an article on the world's laziest countries. Canada did come in second, but I'm okay with that, because guess who came in first? In a list that you do not want to top.... Find out here.

The other is something that a friend pointed out to me. It's not really an article, so much as an informative poster/graph that shows the world's Internet speeds and costs. Surprisingly (at least to me, but that's most likely due to the fact that I'm naive in a very stupid way), we're not exactly up there. Unsurprisingly, Japan is. Check it out:

Interestedly (and anxiously) yours,
Aya

P.S. If you've got any suggestions for the blog's theme, let me know!

Free Health Care...?

If there is one thing that can take me out of my patriotic state of mind, it's today's trip to the emergency room. Or emergency ward. Or, basically, the hospital, since clearly the word "emergency" had absolutely nothing to do with it. 

Yesterday, I twisted my ankle while stepping off a Bosu ball. It hurt like HELL. I mean, as a tennis player, I've had plenty of injuries, including an ankle injury from around two years ago (occurred at the same gym and similar time-frame, ironically), so my pain threshold is pretty big. I had tendonitis in my shoulder for a couple years, and there was a point where I couldn't even lift my arm. (Since tendonitis tends to be chronic, it likes to say hello to me once in a while.) But nothing felt as painful as falling yesterday. You should have heard the crack. I think that sound alone sent me into a catatonic shock.

I got my ankle checked, and I strained a couple ligaments, so I'm off tennis for three to four weeks. There didn't seem to be anything wrong with my bone or anything, but my doctor(s) told me to get an x-ray just in case. So I had to go to my family doctor to get a referral, but instead of giving me one, she sent me to the hospital, saying that if there was something wrong with it, then they'd be able to put a cast on my foot right away. 

Before I start, can I just ask: WTF? Why the hell do you have to go get a referral to get an x-ray? Why? Why is it that nobody respects time? First I have to go all the way to my family doctor, wait, have her press on my bone so hard that I could have punched her in the face for not having learned the meaning of "gentle" after all these years, then be sent to a hospital, which is another fifteen to twenty minutes of driving, hours and hours of waiting, more pressing, finally an x-ray, and - after what seemed like an age - an answer. The verdict? No, my ankle is not cracked, just a tissue injury. Ice a lot, stay off it, and wear a brace. 

...I waited over three hours for a confirmation of what I already knew. In fact, I knew more than he did, because he failed to see that I had injured ligaments (to those of you know naught on the subject, that's pretty huge) - or maybe just failed to mention it- and said that if, in a week, it still hurts, I should go see a doctor again. In fact, if, in a week, it feels okay, I can even play the provincials that are coming up! 

Um...hello? A week? Was he for real? The last time I had an injury like this (three strained ligaments that time), I was out of commission for months. I mean, after a few weeks I could run okay, and jumping got easier, but it took months of wearing the brace, rehab, and being careful before it felt back to normal. And this guy says a week? 

By the way, I'm not just saying that, either. I had two other doctors (a chiropractor and a physiotherapist) look at it, and both agreed that it would take three to four weeks to heal. So I dunno...two specialists that I know and trust versus a guy I met only today, and who probably just wanted me out of his sight as soon as possible... Tough call. 

But my woes and life issues, as exciting as they are, aren't the subject of today's post. No, what I would like to cordially discuss is the concept of "free health care" in Canada. I say "concept", because I have finally, fully realized that there is no free health care in Canada. None. For example, today, I had to pay fifteen dollars to waste over three hours in an emergency room (increasing my chances of getting sick in the process) to hear completely useless advice. You know why? Because you have to pay to park your car. Yeah. Not only are you sick and in pain, you have to fork over buckage as a result of that very fact.
You would think that the already-unreasonable taxes we pay would cover that, but no. Oh, no. Teachers working with the York Region District School Board often have to give 46% of what they earn to the government, so that the money can be used to improve our school-systems, make health care better and affordable, look after our cities, etc. Strangely enough, I don't see any improvements in the school-system. In fact, the opposite is true (for proof, walk into any given high school, and you are guaranteed to find ten times the number of stupid people you would have found, say, two years ago). I don't see better or more affordable health care, either. For one, doctors in hospitals seem to glance at the surface of the issue and write you off, and then wonder why you're back a week later, feeling worse than before (answer: because the problem was two centimeters beneath the surface, but you were too lazy to dig that deep, asshole). Specialists are better, of course, actually taking the time to look at you from all possible angles, narrowing down the problem, figuring out proper treatment solutions - all the stuff that should always be done. But that's because you're paying them to do so, and usually, you have to pay a whole hell of a lot. Average physiotheraphy rate: $65-100 per hour. Average massage rate: $80-100 per hour. Average hospital rate: anywhere between three to infinite wasted hours, parking fee (charged by the minute), and the impossibly high costs of your medicine/recovery necessities. (For my ankle: ibuprofen and a brace, the latter of which costs around $85. It's lucky - sort of - I already have one.)

Oh, and let's not forget, ladies and gentlemen, that dentists aren't free anymore, either (thank you, Jean Chrétien). It's ironic, actually, because dental surgeries are the most common surgeries, and yet our taxes pay for the ones we are liable to never have to get. If your teeth are falling out and you need implants, that shit comes out of your own pocket, however bare it may be. You gotta go into dept for the sake of being able to chew your own food? That's fine by the government.

And another thing: why call the Emergency Room the "Emergency" Room, if it takes you a fucking age to get any attention? No, I do not want to get old waiting for a doctor to finally look at my toe (hypothetically speaking) and tell me if there's something wrong with it or not. I want immediate attention and care so that I can get on with my life. Is that so much to ask? (You know, this fact probably wouldn't be so infuriating if constant work was getting done. But it's not. While sitting in the Red Zone, I was a witness to the social banter going on between nurses and the one doctor, as though everything was fine and dandy. I don't care when your birthday is! My ankle fucking hurts!) One poor guy was sitting in his chair, bleeding non-stop, when a nurse came over and told him that his doctor would be with him in an hour.

Oh, that's fine. I'll just bleed to death while I wait, shall I?

Idiotic system. You realize we're going to be paying even more taxes now that the GST and PST are going to be one and the same, right? So before, when you were paying 5% for certain things, while 13% for others, you are now paying a solid 13% for everything. So that poor high school Math teacher who pays 46% income tax is now going to be paying even MORE money. Add to that property tax, and a whole slew of other taxes that I don't even know the names of, and we just can't catch a break, can we?

I'm starting to wonder if maybe Canada's full of shit...

If you have evidence to the contrary, please let me know, because I'm losing grip on my formerly firm belief that I live in the greatest country ever... I'm obviously seriously pissed off right now, so maybe tomorrow I'll change my mind completely and be back to loving this place for all it's worth. Nevertheless, as of this moment, that is not the case.

Dubiously yours,
Aya

Justin Bieber

I swore to myself I wouldn't do this. Actually, the first thing I swore was that, when (or if) I did end up writing this, it would be the most abusive amalgamation of words I could come up with. Unfortunately, I have a tendency to do research when I decide to slam people, if not to be able to make a stronger case, then to justify to myself that what I am about to write is okay. 

I am telling myself for the thousandth time that I should not have done that with Justin Bieber. 

So, for those of you who are (perhaps wonderfully) unaware of who this Justin Bieber is, let me Google him for you. I'll even add a picture: 

For everybody else, here is my surprisingly benign response to the world's newest celebrity.

But first - First Impression: little kid singing grown-up songs about falling in love with girls seemingly twice his height and age (this is purposely hyperbolic). Reasons to not like: 1) In spite of how obviously adorable this kid is, the point is that he is just that: a KID. He should not be singing songs that not too many twenty-year-olds can get away with. He needs to be at home, "building a tent-fort". (NB: Not my words. See ummmmheyyyy.) 2) In spite of how obviously adorable this kid is, he should not be flaunting his immediate effect on girls. It is not right. Or fair. 3) In spite of how obviously adorable this kid is, he cannot - and should not - get away with trying to act like Usher. He is not Usher. He is Usher's protege. There is a difference. (Uh...duh.) 4) He asked out Rihanna. In spite of how obviously adorable this kid is, you've got to be kidding me. And 5) He's Canadian. For some reason, that bothered me more than anything else. 

(Given my current patriotism, that one stuck. But not in the same way.)

So...I think this, more than anything else, proves that I am a truly shallow person. I am ashamed to admit that I judged him on these facts alone. (Although, in my defense, that is how one typically judges people, is it not?) And because of these facts alone, I have been judgmental to the point of hateful toward the young Justin Bieber, and for, it seems, all the wrong reasons. And thus, after some uncharacteristically thorough research, I have come up with a list of reasons why his fans have every right to be his fans, and my own opinion of him has done a 180.

THE LIST
1) When Mr. Bieber came out with his first few songs, he was 15. Admittedly, he looked younger than that, but that is hardly something he can be faulted for. "Haters" bash him for singing songs about love. After all, at 15, how can he know anything about the subject? Well here's a better question: who's to say he doesn't? There are plenty of people who are mature beyond their years. Hell, I felt I was capable of love when I was 15. I felt that way when I was 13. Many people did and do. Why shouldn't he? It's 15, not 5. We can therefore all scratch his song theme of choice as a reason to dislike him.

2) Justin has yet to fully hit puberty. That much is clear. That does not mean that he doesn't have talent. On the contrary, he is very, very talented. Shit, I wish I could play all the instruments he plays. Or sing half as well as he does. So his voice isn't a deep baritone. Big deal. He still sounds good, right? And don't say he doesn't, because that's bullshit. I had nothing against his voice even when I didn't like him. No argument.

3) The kid's cute. Let's all get it out now: he is a good-looking kid. His smile is worth screaming over. If you hate him for that fact, it's because you're jealous. If I were a boy, I'd be jealous, too. Luckily, I'm a girl, so I can get away with appreciating his looks for what they are: adorable. (New word of the day, folks.)

4) The songs. Let's face it: if Justin were four or five years older, it would be a lot easier to admit that his songs are good. Because they are. They're good songs. I refuse to listen to them on principle. (Actually, it's an act of self-preservation. As if I don't already feel pathetic, listening to a 15/16-year-old singing songs that I, under many other circumstances, would have no problem listening to on repeat is not the best way to make me feel any better about myself.) But that doesn't mean that there's anything particularly wrong with them, which is why there is nothing wrong with listening to them. The beats are pretty good, the lyrics are pretty good, and they're sung really well. Few of us have real issue with his songs - it's more the fact that he's the one signing them. (A stupid, petty reason, but we're only human.)

5) I accidentally came across a video of him playing live. He sings his heart out. He does it well. He can do it while playing on the piano or guitar. That is impressive. That warrants respect. And depression (at least, on my part, because I have yet to do anything nearly as impressive).

6) I equally accidentally (well, that's what I'm telling myself) came across a video of him with a three-year-old. It was sweet. He doesn't seem like an ass. That's commendable. And respectable. And depressing (because the list of reasons to dislike him just keeps getting smaller, doesn't it?)

7) He's got thirty million girls between the ages of 2 and 16 drooling over him (probably plenty of girls older than that, too). Big fucking deal. You want thirty million guys to be drooling over him? Thirty million adults? What? He appeals to that demographic. You have a problem with that, then you probably just have a problem in general. (Note: however, in spite of this, I refuse to believe that any of these fans have reason to cry when they see him. Why obsess over him if he reduces you to tears? Seriously. If you're a fan, smile and laugh, because you're supposed to be happy to see him. Not depressed. Unless you're me, but that's a whole different story.)

8) He didn't just happen to fall into where he is. He had to learn to play those instruments. He had to somehow show the world his voice. From what I have learned, he was on YouTube for years before he was discovered. And then when he was, it was down to work: learning new songs, singing them, recording them, filming videos, compiling CDs, traveling to play live, traveling to concerts, traveling to do interviews, publicity...on and on and on. It's hard work, people. Do not undermine what he does by insulting him.

9) Possibly amongst the most important: he's Canadian. How awesome is it that we seem to come out with so many talented people? (Irrelevant side-note: Hahahahaaaaa....I love how I can turn anything into a slam against the U.S. I have a feeling this might become a common theme.)

I believe all the above are reason enough to excuse the fact that he tries to act "G". He idolizes Usher. He wants to be like him. We all have our dreams, our hopes, our wishes. He does, too, and who are we to put him down for it? Who are we to try and demoralize him just because we may not necessarily agree with everything he does? 

In fact, who are we, really? Do you know who I am? No. Do I know who you are? No. Do we know who he is? Yes. Case closed.

In summation, I have nothing against Justin Bieber. In fact, I respect and admire him, something I am not used to saying about someone younger than I (and will therefore not repeat more than is absolutely necessary, i.e. to make a point). What he's achieved is pretty incredible. Plus, he's not Miley Cyrus, so that's huge.

I'm not saying that I'm going to be joining the throng of Bieber-obsessed girlies crowding elementary and high school hallways (makes me especially glad that I graduated the latter a semester early), because, like I said, his success depresses me. It makes me wonder why I haven't done anything to the same avail. Nevertheless, he is undeniably an inspiration, and deserves the respect of everyone, no matter who they (or you) are.

Docilely yours,
Aya

P.S. This will probably be the last positive post I write for a while, because so much shit has hit the fan recently, that there is tons of potential for wonderfully sarcastic and cynical rants. See you soon!

Brooklyn's Finest - oxymorons at their best

I never thought that I would leave a movie theatre with more reason than ever to dis the great U.S. of A., but here I am. I would like to remind the world two incredibly obvious, but crucially important, things: 1) Hollywood is in the States; 2) so is New York.

Earlier this evening, my friend and I planned to watch Shutter Island. Twenty-five minutes into the movie, I just couldn't stand the suspense (i.e. continuous close-ups of Leonardo DiCaprio staring at things while eerie music plays in the background). Oh, that, and the fact that the dialogue sucked, the actors sucked, the movie's set-up sucked, and the first twenty-five minutes really, really sucked. Maybe the rest was better. I don't know. Didn't bother sticking around to find out.

So my friend and I hightailed it out of there and slipped into another theatre, where Brooklyn's Finest was about to start.

Brooklyn's Finest. Hah. Hahahahaha.

Hahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahaha.

Brooklyn's Finest is euphemistic for Hollywood's Worst. Or Amongst Hollywood's Worst. Seriously. It was like watching Public Enemies all over again, except with a modern twist. I kept waiting, and waiting, and waiting for the action to start. Then, before I knew it (without giving away the sordid details), the movie was over. The ending, while realistic(ish), sucked (word of the day - er, night, ladies and gents).

I hate movies with no plot. I hate it when respectable actors are forced to try and act out mindless dialogues in movies with no plot. I hate movies that are graphic for the sake of being graphic, as opposed to the sake of the plot. Oh, right, I forgot - there was no plot. Brooklyn's Finest - hahahahahahaha! - was a combination of The Hours, Public Enemies, and The Departed. Thing is, though, both The Hours and The Departed had depth, had meaning - had plot! (Confusing, maybe, but it was there.) Not so much Public Enemies. Hell no, Brooklyn's Finest.

(By the way, my respect for Leonardo DiCaprio in such movies as The Departed, Blood Diamond, Body of Lies, and etc. only added to my disgust that he couldn't even put on a decent performance in Shutter Island, a movie that was destined to be bad from its opening scene.)

I am honestly shocked at how bad the movies that have been coming out lately are. Can no one come up with a half-decent idea? All those movies that Amanda Seyfried's in now? Like...wtf? Honestly? Even action movies - my favourite genre - are seriously lacking. What is going on? Do all writers have a block? Holy shit...

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it was a good movie and I'm just being a bitch. Maybe I'm too shallow, and require a movie that I can easily enjoy. Maybe what I mistake for depth is really a clear-cut story and is presented in such a way that you simply cannot mistake it for something other than what it is. Maybe I'm just stupid.

But probably not.

SO: warning against Shutter Island and Brooklyn's Finest. Both are Amongst Hollywood's Worst. And A Waste of Your Money.

Angrily yours, 
Aya

Canada vs. the U.S. = no match

So, following the defeat of the U.S. in the finals of men's hockey, heat between Americans and Canadians has reached an all-time high. Everyone wants to prove that his or her country is better. Such debates are filling up comment spaces on such sites as Youtube, under such songs as "Oh...Canada" by such artists as Classified.

I find this hysterical for a number of reasons: 1) Americans can't find anything bad that's either new or true about Canada, continuing to repeat the typical spiel on igloos, fat-asses, and scrawny (or as some moron said, "scrony") weaklings; 2) Americans seem to forget that they have more fat-asses per square kilometer than we do people, and seem to be trying to block out the fact that we beat them in the most important sport in the Olympics (who's weak?). Plus, they have deluded themselves to the point where they think that starting moronic wars all over the world is a sign of strength, as opposed to unadulterated stupidity; 3) Americans refuse to believe that Canada has everything they do...and more. They still think that the U.S. is the better place to live in spite of us having consistently better quality of life; 4) the U.S. fucks the world over, but we're still standing with hardly a scratch; 5) Americans can't even articulate their insults well, sticking to a variety of "yo mamma" jokes that are excruciatingly simple, excruciatingly dull, and excruciatingly misspelled. Canadians rightly wonder what the hell these people's imaginary affairs with their mothers have to do with our country; and 6) because of how self-assured Canadians are, and because of all the information and proof they have as resources, they have been able to come up with some truly hilarious and witty comebacks to all the pathetic cracks taken at Canada. One of endless examples: 

"Only in America will a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance." 

I don't know about you, but I loved that one.

What Americans have yet to realize is that we clearly win, simply because we never start the fights in the first place. We're okay with ourselves. They, obviously, are not, and don't want us to be, either, therefore do everything in their power (so, not all that much, when you think about it) to try and demoralize us. Too bad it's having no effect, huh? 

They just can't win. We have way too many advantages. Like the advantage of (in my completely unbiased opinion) a much better country. 

Patriotically yours,

Aya

P.S. Read the comments for yourself for Classified's "Oh...Canada". 


NOTE: This post has been written purely for entertainment and in jest. I don't actually have anything against Americans, and respect the United States. If not, I wouldn't be trying so hard to go to university there.